It's weird.. Like a barrier in my head. And I'm not capable of getting it out of there. All seem so hopeless, even though I know I shouldn't think that way. All I wan't is to live a life without eating scheduels and train whenever I fucking want to, but it just, it isn't there.. Every time I'm just a little close of gain weight, I panic. I don't wan't this anymore, please, help me out of it. I just want to live a life worth living- it's worth living now, but I want to feel good for fuck's sake.